We Are All Just Walking Each Other Home…
“We are all just walking each other home.” -Ram Dass
It’s been over a month now and the passing of mother is still so raw, so tender, so vulnerable. I have felt so much grief and sadness yet so much love and appreciation… the fullness of life, the fullness of what it means to be human. I continue to allow myself time and space to process the fullness of this experience.
I had the great privilege to return “home” to Tucson to be with her in her final few days of life. To sit with her, hold her, stroking her hands and head, listening to her favorite music (Waylon, Willie and the boys), and sharing all things I wanted to say… this was truly a gift. As friend says, “the greatest gift we can give to another is our presence” and what a gift it was to me, a memory I will forever hold in my heart.
“In almost every spiritual or religious tradition, the word “home” refers to the sacred place where we experience connection or belonging.” – Tara Brach
Being with my mom, I always felt a sense of home, a sense of belonging. As I look back upon my 50 years of life (yes, this is the year of the big 5-0 for me), there have been three moments that have taught me a deeper level of love than I had ever thought possible, a deeper level of connection and belonging than I had ever known. And two of those moments were the birth of my daughters, bringing these beloved beings into the world. A gift unimaginable to me.
And the third moment of knowing a love so deep was being present with my mother in her final breathes of life, to witness her beautiful passing. What a gift. I shared many things with my mother during our final days but the one thing I really wanted her to know was that while she gave me my very first breath, I wanted to be there for her in her final. I wanted to love and support her through her journey. And what an honor it was, to hold her, talk to her, love her through her passage. To witness her beauty, her love in this full circle of life, the mystery and beauty of our human incarnation.
“Everything has a beginning, a middle and an end… followed by a new beginning.” – Valeta Bruce
And as I start a new beginning, each day I asked mom to give me some signs, to let me know she is with me, in my heart watching over me. I see her most, feel her most when I am outside in nature, taking in the beauty and fullness of what surrounds me. I see mom in the golden light at sunrise and sunset, I see her in the sweet dove landing close by, I hear her in the wind through the trees, knowing she is always with me, always a gift of presence to me. She is simply walking me home. I love you mom, love you with all my heart.
